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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    Kitchener
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    I'm just revisiting this post. My FIL just passed away today and I haven't figured out how to tell the kids just yet. DS is still way too young to understand but DD will. She cried a bit when I took the cat to the vets at the end of Jan because we told her she was sick and was going to go to heaven instead of coming back home.

    Question is do I take them to visitation, I know my MIL would love to see them. I just don't want to freak them out. DD was to two visitations when she was less that 1.

    I know I won't take them to the funeral that will be too long for them to sit through.
    Melissa

    The Spicy Lady
    Mommy to Sydney March 17 2006 & Noah November 10 2008

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    Kitchener
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    6,082

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    We opted to not take Jacob to the visitation. If its open casket it may cause them to ask questions that may not necessaritly be age appropriate/become upset.

    We explained it all to Jacob and took him to the cemetary for the burial and that was it. He was 3 at the time...at 5 I could see him having a ton of questions...and he's the sensitive type so seeing the open casket would really, really upset him.

    Its up to you - you know Syd best. So sorry for your loss. *hugs*
    Meg
    mama to j

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Kitchener
    Posts
    322

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    I'm sorry for your loss.

    I agree with Meg about the open casket. I think that would probably be to hard for a young child.
    Mommy to Alison (2006) and Katie (2010)

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Kitchener
    Posts
    4,762

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    Well I think we are going to take them as it will be good for my MIL and young life general brings joy to a sad occassion.

    I won't take her up to the casket unless she says she wants to say goodbye to Opa.
    Melissa

    The Spicy Lady
    Mommy to Sydney March 17 2006 & Noah November 10 2008

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    West Galt - Cambridge
    Posts
    820

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    Quote Originally Posted by Syd&Noah'smommy View Post
    I'm just revisiting this post. My FIL just passed away today and I haven't figured out how to tell the kids just yet. DS is still way too young to understand but DD will. She cried a bit when I took the cat to the vets at the end of Jan because we told her she was sick and was going to go to heaven instead of coming back home.

    Question is do I take them to visitation, I know my MIL would love to see them. I just don't want to freak them out. DD was to two visitations when she was less that 1.

    I know I won't take them to the funeral that will be too long for them to sit through.
    Hugs...sorry to hear about your loss.

    My kids went to my dads visitation that was during the day. Hubbys father came down and watched them during the night visitation.

    They both went to the funeral and sat with me and my family as that is what we wanted. My fil and sil sat at the back on an end incase they needed to get the kids.

    As for telling the kids, its really hard and depends on the child. My dad died at home and when we got there was still in the house. So we all got to go "say goodbye". I believe in closure for kids if they can handle it.
    Amanda
    Momma to - Carter(2006) Sawyer(2008) Maguire(2010)

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    3,584

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    Sorry for your loss Melissa.
    Jenn mom to K March 2007 and E October 2008

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Kitchener
    Posts
    954

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    Sorry to hear about your loss Melissa. All the best to you and your family.
    Sabrina

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Kitchener
    Posts
    570

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    Sorry to hear about your loss. Last year my youngest DS was 4 and someone very close to us passed away. he called her Aunty AJ, she had the role of grandmother to my kids and was just like my mom. We weren't sure what we were going to tell him, so we just explained that Aunty AJ had been very sick and she is now and angel and is in heaven. He has been fine with that. At her funeral though, there was an open casket for viewing before the service and we had decided that we would not take him in to see her as we didn't want his last memory of her to be her in the casket. But he knew something was up and kept asking if Aunty AJ was there, so we couldn't lie to him and we said yes and asked him if he'd like to see her and he said yes. So we took him and and told him that was just her body but she is an angel now. he looked at her, we told him he could say good bye, so he said "goodbye Aunty AJ" and that was it. he said nothing more about it until a few months ago and we were in the van driving somewhere and talking about what we were going to do that weekend, when he pops up "I know what we can do - lets go back to the church when Aunty AJ is there and see her." Funny how kids perceive things and what they remember. Now, to him, Aunty AJ is the toothfairy so he is just waiting til he loses his first tooth.
    Mom to Bryan (15), Shae-Lynn (12) Thoren (6)


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  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Kitchener
    Posts
    4,762

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    Thanks Ladies, the next couple of days are going to be the toughest now that the details have been finalized. The tough part is going to be juggling work and funeral stuff. MIL chose to have the funeral reception where I work so I want to make sure everything goes smoothly for everyone as my boss is away that day. We have talked about angels and heaven so she should be okay. I'm not sure if it's an open casket so we'll play that one by ear. We are going as a family to the afternoon visitation and DH will go on his own for the evening session. Getting a sitter for the funeral seems to be our best option too.

    DD has some minor experience with death ie our cat back in January, I think it was worse for me than her.
    Melissa

    The Spicy Lady
    Mommy to Sydney March 17 2006 & Noah November 10 2008

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    5

    Default Children understand Death better than Adults

    I never thought I would say this nor expect my life to have gone where it has in the last 2 years.

    In 2010 my youngest daughter died. This was and still is one of the most difficult things to accept and to live with in this life.
    My oldest daughter, 6 yrs old then, is the only reason I have accepted and decided to make the best of our life since her passing. There are a number of reasons why I believe they have a better understanding and acceptance of death and life in general.
    We simply have to listen - not hear - but listen.

    My daughter had the wisdom and calmness of a grandmother.
    After her sister died, one day she quietly said to me, "Mommy, everyone dies. She is watching over us" This was heartbreaking and yet made perfect sense. Since then, she laughs about her sister and wonders aloud what she would look like now, or if she would be just like her.
    They say that children who lose a sibling, lose the most - They lose the only person they have to share their life with on the same playing field and they lose their parents at the same time.
    This is true to the enth degree....the horror of losing a child leaves little energy, thought, or care for anything else at the time of the loss.

    The best thing you can do to explain grief in my experience, is to guide them but let them come to their own understanding and conclusion - they will surprise you with their wisdom.

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