View Full Version : Anyone dealing with step kids?

01-20-2012, 11:56 PM
I have 2 step-teenagers. 1 that still lives with us and 1 that moved back with her mom a year ago. I came into the picture when they were 12 and 14. It's been an extremely rough road dealing with not only the ups and downs of teenage girls but also the jealousy. I sometimes feel like I'm living with "the other women"...like my husband is dating both of us (does that make sense?)
It's even harder now that we have a baby together. The step kid that still lives with us is very good with my daughter but I find myself distancing myself from her. She has a way of making my daughter smile and laugh when my husband and I can't. There are so many things that drive me nuts about the situation. Which I fully understand that I brought upon myself. But still...I can't wait for the day that it's just me, my husband and our kids...
I feel like such an awful person for even thinking that!!!

Anyone else have step kids?
How do you handle it?

01-21-2012, 12:38 PM
I have two step sons. They live with us, along with my son and our daughter. It was a challenge for quite a while, and it still is sometimes. It's important to foster good relationships, as they are your child's family too, and will be there when you're gone. Instead of being jealous, support the relationship between the children. This is good for everyone. When we had our daughter, my oldest step son, then 16, was disgusted by the whole idea. It's amazing how he's changed since then. He absolutely adores his sister and would do anything for her. On the days that you need your child to be otherwise occupied while you get things done, it's great having those extra sets of hands to help out.
I think it's normal to have mixed feelings about step children, but if you're truly feeling like it's a competition for your husband's attention, i think you need to talk to him about it and come up with time to build back that relationship, without detracting from his relationship with his kids. It's not easy, but it's worth the effort.

01-21-2012, 01:40 PM
so id like to share a little of a different angel, and maybe this will help you with your step daughter/step mother relationship.

when I was 12 my dad and my step mom, who i only lived with part time, had my younger baby brother..,at the time i remember feeling offended, almost that we werent good enough, that he had to go have another baby with her. kinda like why not my mom...as much as i loved the baby, and to this very day love that giant 13 yr old brother of mine...only now, as an adult, do i truly understand what the baby meant for them.

it really did equal us out as a family, and make her more my mom and my dad more a father to her two other boys. it united us...made us whole..

just a few weeks ago while i visited them in nova scotia my step mom and i had a wonderfull talk, and she shared this with me..........

she often felt like she struggled everyday to make the connection with me that my brother my dad and i had, both before and after the baby, she often felt that she was ignored, or put aside when i came to visit, that it was all about us being together with our DAD....but like I said to her...with out her there as a mom, there would have been no family. no brother for me, probally no good visits with my dad...lets face it he was a mcdonalds kinds guy..she cooks full course meals!

you need to remember that you have created a beautifull mixed family, and with that comes love in all directions...even if your not feeling it from the teen ( who is prob so confused to show you love) you, as a mom, step mom and a woman, have brought your family together!

hold on to your patience, and be ever so gratefull, that she loves the baby!

I could share about the resentment that my sister carries, and that she has never even met our baby brother, but thats a whole other story..lol

01-23-2012, 04:41 AM
DD has two older half brothers. She considers them full brothers, they consider her a full sister.

they are your child's family too

Yes, I think it's very important to see it that way.

And BTW, don't you worry about how well your daughter gets along with her step-sister. Believe me, it's basically impossible to unthrone a mom in a child's eyes. Love her and treasure her as your heart wants to and she'll do the very same for you.

For a child, no one can replace their mom.