PDA

View Full Version : So dissappointed



Bethikinz
05-13-2011, 09:43 PM
My 14 year step son was caught shoplifting with his friend (who I've never trusted). In the friend's knapsack the security guards found a bong, along with the energy drinks and Skittles they had tried to steal. So, after a lot of questioning we've learned that they've done this before and that they've smoked pot a 'couple times' (so we know it's probably more than that". It's so dissapointing. He's a bright kid and wonderful big brother. We've always joked, though, that he would be the one to get into trouble. I just didn't think it would be so soon! My poor SO...earlier in the day he heard about a dear aunt passing away..and a couple hours later this. D has been grounded at least until the end of school, and computer privilages have been severely limited. He seems to be upset and guilty, as he should, but I don't know if it's guilty that he did this, or guilty that he got caught.

Someone once told me that when kids are little they break your stuff, but when they're big they break your heart. So true...sigh.

Anyone have any experience with this?

janijanis
05-13-2011, 10:58 PM
omg!!! http://th116.photobucket.com/albums/o31/libbybabe/th_bighug.gif

my ds is only 7 months, but i am already worrying myself with this kind of stuff!!! i'm sorry i don't have any advice, i think you are doing the right thing and i hope your ds learns his lesson and stays away from this "friend" or at least limits his contact with him. oh and i would consider calling his friends parents depending on your relationship with them.

ontario_gyrl
05-14-2011, 12:26 AM
My nephew was caught with a baggie of pot last year (age 15) in his backpack, its hard (but I knwo it was not my kid) but i looked at it like there are way worse things they could be doing

Try to make somewhat of a deal out of it, but try not to be to hard on him cause its only gonna oush him away and him not want to talk to you about it

I am very close with him and tried to be there for him through everything and explain to my nephew that is was not worth it, yes it may be fun at the time, but dont let it affect your school, and everything else

Syd&Noah'smommy
05-14-2011, 12:59 AM
How long has he been hanging with these kids. Could just be a case of getting mixed up with the wrong crowd. I had a bad phase at that age that lasted all of 2 weeks. I knew what I wanted for my future and realized that hanging with them would ruin all of that.

I do have some experience but not from a parent point of view. My sister was hanging out with the wrong crowd at that age and confessed to shoplifting to protect a so called friend not realizing that she would have a record that could affect future employment options.

Maybe you just need to sit down with him and let him know that you know he is better than that and deserves the best possible chance at a great future. Hopefully that will be enough for him to see the light.

Bethikinz
05-14-2011, 01:43 AM
Thanks ladies.

We're very hopefully that it's just a rough patch, and that the whole experience scares him enough that he won't do it again. We've talked to him a lot about this. Hopefully it will sink in. He really is a great kid in so many ways. I hope this is the end of it...but I'm guessing we could be in for a bumpy ride.

dorthyandtoto2003
05-14-2011, 02:18 AM
I'm not sure if the police were called or not, but normally teenagers are expected to perform community service as punishment for their crimes. Is this an option? Maybe by helping others, he will see the error in his ways...you could always make him do some kind of community service as part of his punishment.

pinksparkles
05-27-2011, 11:01 PM
I can see this from both sides...as a teen I smoked some pot here and there (more then a few times) and some under age drinking and a few experimental things. Most of the people I know did and honestly it wasn't that we were in the wrong crowd or heading down a bad path etc. All of us went on to university, have families, careers etc My one friends family said we were bad kids and didn't want her hanging around us. So they forced her to stop being friends with us. She rebelled started doing worse things and hasn't really made much out of her life. My other friend my mom thought was an angel and that I was the one starting trouble when it was her getting the alcohol :D
But I am also a mom of a 13 year old and would I want him doing those things either...No not really. With him I talk to him regularly about drugs, sex, crime and what some of the things are that can happen that can change your life forever and try to steer him in the right direction.
I guess what I am trying to say is don't assume he is hanging with the wrong crowd or on the wrong path or that his friends are bad. And don't try to force him away from people too because that just makes those people all that more attractive.
It is also really hard for you to really do or say anything because you are the step parent and not in a role of discipline. Being there as someone he can come talk to will help him though.
I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope he stays out of trouble. Teens are tough!

jennt
05-27-2011, 11:04 PM
I can see this from both sides...as a teen I smoked some pot here and there (more then a few times) and some under age drinking and a few experimental things. Most of the people I know did and honestly it wasn't that we were in the wrong crowd or heading down a bad path etc. All of us went on to university, have families, careers etc My one friends family said we were bad kids and didn't want her hanging around us. So they forced her to stop being friends with us. She rebelled started doing worse things and hasn't really made much out of her life. My other friend my mom thought was an angel and that I was the one starting trouble when it was her getting the alcohol :D
But I am also a mom of a 13 year old and would I want him doing those things either...No not really. With him I talk to him regularly about drugs, sex, crime and what some of the things are that can happen that can change your life forever and try to steer him in the right direction.
I guess what I am trying to say is don't assume he is hanging with the wrong crowd or on the wrong path or that his friends are bad. And don't try to force him away from people too because that just makes those people all that more attractive.
It is also really hard for you to really do or say anything because you are the step parent and not in a role of discipline. Being there as someone he can come talk to will help him though.
I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope he stays out of trouble. Teens are tough!

Very well said and I totally agree.

nateandbrysmomma
05-27-2011, 11:07 PM
As extreme as this may seem, maybe finding him a teenage recovering drug addict, or a young adult fresh out of juvie...

There is so much he probally just doesnt know about where these things take you in life..

Where were these people to help when I was a rebel? I would have been so gratefull!