View Full Version : Are you seperated/divorced?

02-13-2009, 07:57 PM
I need advice and some shoulders.

Things have not been good in my marriage for a long while. I'm not happy, and I'm pretty sure that DH isn't happy anymore either. I've tried to get him to go to counselling, but he won't go. There is no sex (another strain on me) and he rarely even hugs or kisses me.

Anyway, I just came back from being home for a funeral. This is going to sound odd, but I had so much fun being away from him. I talked with my mom and my stepbrother about things and they agree that it's not right. Neither even hinted at the idea that I should leave.

I have had the thought in my head for a long time that we shouldn't be together anymore. We both deserve to be happy.

While I was away, I made a decision that should have been very hard...but it was really easy. I need to leave.

I just don't know what to do....I don't have a job, so no money and I have no where to go. I want to take the kids and go back to Newfoundland with them, but I can't just steal them from their dad and grandparents who are here.

I called a lawyer today, but because she worked on both our behalves when we bought the house, she can't work for me unless DH gives the okay.

I'm very confused and actually very very scared.

Any ideas or thoughts or support would be great.

02-13-2009, 08:00 PM
*hugs* Catt, no advice though

02-13-2009, 08:14 PM
awww, I'm so sorry to hear. It's not easy. Would you be able to talk to him about how you feel? Maybe he's feeling the same way and you guys can work something out?
Wish you all the best, feel free to contact me if you'd like to talk! :) Hugs to you!

02-14-2009, 01:43 AM
HUGS!!!! I had no idea you were dealing with such emotion.

I've have been there. My first marriage there were no children and he had no idea I knew the stuff I knew when I packed up and left so that was easy.

DH and I have had our share of troubles when I was pregnant but when it came down to him finally realizing he was going to lose me and DD he finally agreed to get help for his depression after our marriage counsellor strongley suggested it.

I hope it all works out for you one way or another. Life is too short to be unhappy.

My advice is to call the lawyer referral service and get a 1/2free session to see what your options are.

02-15-2009, 02:20 AM
I'm sorry that you're going through this, Catt. If you haven't already, I encourage you to try to talk with your dh about how you're feeling. Maybe he would be willing to talk with your pastor of congregational care with you? (Pastor W. is great.) I'm here to support you no matter which way you go, and I'm here if you need/want to talk. ((hugs))

02-28-2009, 02:35 AM
You need to make a plan. You need to do what you can to get some financial stability. Open your own bank account if you haven't already. Look for work, or get some retraining so you can find something that will support you and your kids. Or, look in to what you need to do to apply and qualify for welfare. You can get free legal advice if you are below a certain income level. Contact Legal Aid for more information. Find some supports. Enlist family and friends to be there for you. If someone is going to be giving you a hard time about your decision, avoid them. You don't need the added stress.

This will not be easy, but it can be the best thing you ever do for yourself, if the relationship is not a healthy one. Good luck.

B & D's Mommy
03-02-2009, 01:20 PM
Hey Catt - I feel for you b/c being happy is the best thing for you AND your children, the best Mommy you could be is a happy one. Although hubby may not go to counselling why don't you look into it for yourself. Having someone outside the picture who can give you an outside perspective/thoughts/options etc is always helpful - someone just for you. The decision you are about to make won't be an easy one - either way it is going to be hard work (staying and going) but you will be able to do it - you are strong!! You know where you can find me if you want to chat more - my thoughts are with you - hang in there!

03-02-2009, 03:42 PM
Catt I should add that when my second marriage was in trouble I did go for individual counselling as well. It made me feel a whole lot better about my situation and gave me the outside perspective from a neutral party. I'm sure it would help. I can even imagine the turmoil you are going through and trying the be the best mom on top of it.

Good luck!

03-02-2009, 07:27 PM
Thanks guys....I do actually go to counseling on my own.