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JensMom
01-26-2011, 07:14 PM
Hi there...I am the mom of a 13 year old who has been a pretty good girl so far.....Today I was cleaning her room and I found some "letters" under her pillow. I know I shouldn't have read them but.....( I am a snoop )....they weren't anything bad, so to speak...just all about this boy she is in love with, and he supposedly loves her....she wants to meet him for pizza and is going to "lie" and say she is going to so and so's house....What do I do? I don't know this boy....I don't want to break her trust by letting her know I "snooped"......not ready for this...she is only 13.

ontario_gyrl
01-26-2011, 07:21 PM
it's hard, but maybe try to talk to her with out letting it out of the bag, that she can tell you the truth, and not lie, or even put it like "when you lie, i dont know where you really are"

i dont have kids that old yet, my oldest is almost 7, but its a hard situation to be in

janijanis
02-03-2011, 01:41 AM
you could try talking to her like suggested, if she doesn't open up, call "so and so's" house for whatever reason or make something up and then you could ask her why she wasn't there. if she was a little older it might not be so bad, but i agree if it was my 13 year old i would be upset

Prid5
02-03-2011, 02:34 AM
wow, do I remember being 13 and being in love...*sigh*

What if you said to her that you were making her bed and found these letters, but didnt read them (even though you did, bad mama! and I know lieing isnt good either! ;) ) And then ask her about them, let her know that you know she's at that age where she'll want to keep things secret, but she really doesn't have to. If the letters are about boys, why not have the boy come to the house for dinner. Old fashioned maybe? I dunno. I think I'd do this with any potential girl friends my sons might like. :)


Or just come right out and say you found the letters and read them and that you were in the wrong for doing so, offer to get her a little box to keep her important notes in from now on so you dont accidentally stumble across them, but also let her know that you are upset that she feels she would have to hide this new love. Then offer to take her to the pizza place to meet the boy she likes so long as she's ok with you staying (and sitting at a different booth of course) ;)

I guess it just depends on what your dating policies are in your house. That's a difficult one for sure though. I'm not looking forward to it. Luckily my oldest says he's not even thinking about girls until he is 15 "because he has enough stress in his life" HIS words to his Nana when she last asked him about girls! LOL

KitchenerMom
02-09-2011, 03:13 PM
I'm not there yet with my daughter but I remember being that age and inlove. I moved out with my boyfriend when I was 14 so this is the age to be cautious. My mom read everything I had written down which is why till this day i still have problems keeping a journal or any kind of thoughts down on paper. I think I would play like I didn't know. Why don't you let her go and show up at this pizza place and pretend your getting pizza and just happened to run into them. Then you can ask her why she felt she needed to lie and start the conversation from there and then do the whole birds and the bees speech. I think the worst thing you can do is tell her she cant see him.. Just set boundaries and let it run its course. at that age relationships don't last that long. ;)

freedomnow35
03-03-2011, 09:37 PM
My 14 year old had some DRAMA at start of grade 9 with a girl he was so madly in love with and said he can't live without!

lasted a couple months, but the drama after the break up is still here.

We sat him down and explained that first loves are the hardest and that maybe he should wait until he is 16 to date as his school work is more important then girls at this time.

SO lets hope he sticks to that plan

Mom22
03-24-2011, 02:51 AM
JensMom, how did it go? My daughter is 14 now, but we've been having conversations about bouys since she was little... The rule so far that if she likes somebody and was asked out on a "date" we need to meet him first. Also talked about honesty and trust is an ongoing conversation... no trust, no social life so to speak... Please let us know how did you handle it, so we can learn together?

bazinga!
03-24-2011, 02:06 PM
It wasn't a very good hiding spot ;)
I'd tell her you were going to wash her bedding and found some papers in her bed, they're on your dresser if you're looking for them. If she looks horrified, you could mention if they are private, she could try keeping a journal instead perhaps?
And I'd just open discussions in general about
school, friends, boys, etc whenever there seems a good opportunity. Supper seems a good time, or when driving somewhere, or sometimes even when doing something distracting liek video games or shovelling snow. So no one has to look at each other ;)

pinksparkles
04-23-2011, 06:47 PM
One thing I learned from my mom was the more she tried to stop me the more I rebelled and that snooped info is never good info because you can't really use it. Yes you can say you read it etc but then you lose the trust of the other person (child or adult).
I like what bazinga said...with my son I talk non stop about drugs, sex etc and I know he will never openly talk with me he at least knows he can and I have given him the knowledge. Teens are scary especially girls. I dread my daughter getting that age.
Hope is all works out ok for you

Peterson
07-05-2011, 11:10 AM
Talk politely with your daughter as her friend, may be she tell you whole story, then you will easily suggest her with great kindness and love.. Literally it so tough as being her mother but must do it right now,It is so necessary to talk with her..!!

snowrose
07-05-2011, 04:11 PM
I guess maybe I'm old fashioned? My way of thinking is that I'm here to protect my child from themselves as they aren't capable of thinking clearly yet and weighing consequences. Because of that keeping watch for what they might be doing that is harmful to themselves is expected.

Do children have ownership of some of their objects? Yes. Johnny's ice cream bar is his ice cream bar, as far as I'm concerned. I won't take it, it's his. But items that might inform me of harm coming to my child - for me it was the user name 'HottieMan' written on a pad on DD10's desk a few months ago - that supercedes privacy, IMO.

I remember being a teen and my grandmother finding some diet pills I'd started taking in an effort to lose a little weight. They just disappeared from my drawer one day. I never said a word, just figuring she was trying to tell me that she didn't approve - and I understood that it was right for her to be concerned, even if I didn't agree with her.

Jennamoriss
05-03-2012, 10:56 AM
Hi there...I am the mom of a 13 year old who has been a pretty good girl so far.....Today I was cleaning her room and I found some "letters" under her pillow. I know I shouldn't have read them but.....( I am a snoop )....they weren't anything bad, so to speak...just all about this boy she is in love with, and he supposedly loves her....she wants to meet him for pizza and is going to "lie" and say she is going to so and so's house....What do I do? I don't know this boy....I don't want to break her trust by letting her know I "snooped"......not ready for this...she is only 13.

she`s only 13,she will get over it,probably she will not talk with you for a couple of days,try to talk to hear and explain her that lying is not going to make her succeed in the near future