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View Full Version : Introducing someone new into the picture?



Meg
06-09-2010, 06:01 PM
No no no...there is no one yet lol.

But I was just wondering what your thoughts were on introducing someone new into the equation.

Jacob is 4, and his father passed away before he was born so he has never had any male in his life (aside from my dad/bro). I'm starting to test the waters in the dating world, but I'm worried about moving too fast/slow and the effect it will have on J.

He's a pretty sensitive kid, so I don't want to introduce someone too soon and have it not work out - it would break his little heart especially if he was attached to this person. I also don't want to keep him out of it for too long, yk?

So, thoughts?

Dianne
06-09-2010, 10:54 PM
I think it really depends on the person you are dating. Do they also have kids. Do they plan to be active in your sons life.

When my oldest was 3 i started to date a guy i kinda already knew a little. He was so amazing for me and my daughter. On our second date he took me and DD on a mini date to McDonalds. It became the norm that before we had a date we went to McD's. The relationship lasted 5 amost 6 years. She was hurt with the split BUT i would never change all those valuable times we had together.

ontario_gyrl
06-10-2010, 01:47 AM
I would say i depends on the guy, and how you feel about it!!!
I dated one or 2 guys that never met DS1, but my now hubby met him right from day 1.
This may not be what you wanna to hear, but really do what you feel right.
And also it may surprise you about how your child feels about someone and how right they can be!!!

Alex's Mom
06-16-2010, 03:51 PM
I have strong opinions on this as I was raised by a single mom so I was there for years of her dating.

(This is all assuming that it's the mom dating and with young - mid aged children, obviously if your kids are 16 then you've got a whole other situation on your hands)

I believe that children should not be introduced to the new person right away, I think you need some time to make sure he's a good person and you connect with him before even introducing him to the kids. Wait at least a few weeks, maybe longer.

I think that the introductions should happen at first with short visits, introducing him as a friend. Feel it out and see how they interact. Don't leave them alone and don't expect any bonding right away. It may take a long time for the kids to warm up.

Gradually have your kids spend more time with him and eventually explaining that you are dating and what this means for them.

I don't think that kids should see the man sleeping over, they shouldn't sleep at his house and he shouldn't be taking on any parental responsibilities until the relationship is very serious (considering moving in, talking about marriage, etc).

It's really hard on kids to see their parents dating, if the new person is forced on them too quickly they can reject him. If the relationship doesn't last and the kids have become attached, then they lose out too.

I remember being so sad when a breakup happened and I remember feeling left out when my mom got a new boyfriend.

We introduced my FH to DS very slowly, he was a "friend" for several months at least before we explained we were dating.

Hope this helps :)